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Speaker's Digest | Fundamentals of Public Speaking | EMS Glossary of Terms

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Speaker's Digest

November 2016
Post-Thanksgiving Edition

In this issue:

We have seen many, many speeches in the past month. The one we’re going to focus on here doesn’t belong to any political candidate, analyst, or member of the media. Instead, we’ll be taking a look at a speech from a 24-year old entertainer that lasted just 90 seconds. That’s all the time it took for her to blow her audience away and make a huge impression. Then, read on as we discuss ways you can impress—or fail to impress—when invited to share a bit about yourself. Finally, we welcome Lori Dekalo, the newest member of the EMS team!
 


A POWERFUL MESSAGE FROM THE WORLD OF ENTERTAINMENT

The speech we noticed the most this past month was a short one given by singer/actress Selena Gomez, who stood in front of a crowd of her peers and showed us how you can be yourself, even when facing many pressures—both internal and external—to act a certain way or to fill a specific type of role.

Gomez had just been honored at the American Music Awards as favorite female pop/rock artist, and in accepting the award, she chose to share some of the personal challenges she’d been facing in recent years. “I had to stop because I had everything and was absolutely broken inside,” she told the audience, explaining why she had taken an extended leave from show business to focus on her personal health.

In her speech, Ms. Gomez talked about having learned that peoples’ outsides don’t necessarily match their insides, and she delivered the message in a slow, passionate manner that clearly made an impact on those in her audience, including many big shots in the entertainment industry.

Her words were moving: “I kept it all together enough to where I would never let you down, but I kept it too much together to where I let myself down. I don’t want to see your bodies on Instagram. I want to see what’s in here [holds chest]. I’m not trying to get validation nor do I need it anymore. All I can say from the bottom of my heart is I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to be able to share what I love every single day with people that I love.”

But the manner in which she delivered her speech was equally powerful. By slowing down at a time when most entertainers speed up to finish a pre-written laundry list of people that they need to thank, she was able to show her emotions, breathe/pause, make meaningful eye connections and express heartfelt gratitude.

Her closing was as powerful as her speech, as she drove her message home to people who may face similar challenges in their lives: “If you are broken, you do not need to stay broken.”

Watch Selena Gomez’ acceptance presentation by clicking here.

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SPEAKING ABOUT YOURSELF

Selena Gomez showed us that finding the courage to speak about yourself, and share a deeply personal truth, is both challenging and powerful. But we saw during the recent election season how so many presenters have trouble connecting with audiences when forced to speak about their own skills, backgrounds and accomplishments. It’s not easy to speak about yourself, but everyone we know has to do it sometime, such as in a job interview, during a business meeting, or in an impromptu networking conversation. But Ms. Gomez showed us that details aren’t as important as being real and authentic.

When was the last time someone invited you to “Tell us about yourself”? More importantly, how will you respond the next time you hear the question? We’ll caution you in advance: resist the impulse to start a sentence with “I” or “my”, because even though the question was about you, your audience—even if it’s just the person across the table—is really thinking about themselves, not about you.

So how do you find the right words, the right messages and the right tone to win over your audience?

This is no time to list all of your accomplishments, or to tell from memory all of the bullet points that are on your resume. We guarantee that if you do that, you’ll see eyes start to glaze over (if you’re paying enough attention to notice, that is.) You can cherry-pick a few choice details from your career, but beyond that, take your response in a different direction. Here are some ideas:

Tell a story, and make a point. Tell an engaging personal story, complete with engaging—but not superfluous—details. But when you end the story, be sure to include a phrase like: “Here’s the reason I told you this story…” In that line, you get to recast the story as a learning opportunity, or a personal growth moment.

Be real—don’t oversell. You can certainly talk about personal accomplishments, but not if they come off as bragging. No one is inviting you to brag, but rather to help them understand who you are and what makes you tick. Look for ways to show someone who you ARE, not for ways to tell them what you DID.

Be relational—ask questions. Of Dale Carnegie’s secrets to winning friends and influencing people, one that stands out is this: “ASK QUESTIONS.” Even when people have asked YOU to talk about YOURSELF, it’s OK to relate back to them, and to listen for an opportunity to tie your remarks to what you learn about them.

Surprise your listener. Don’t be afraid to share something that no one knows about you, or that will catch your listener off guard. There are so many people out there in the world, and your audience has heard many of them speak. By saying, doing or showing them something unique about you (you play drums, you speak Swahili, you have a birthmark in the shape of a gorilla, you always carry a piece of sea glass in your pocket), you get the opportunity to set yourself apart from anyone else.

Take a risk. We saw Selena Gomez take a big risk by sharing that she felt “broken inside,” particularly when she didn’t LOOK broken in the magnificent red dress she was wearing. Granted, she was speaking to an adoring audience who had just given her a great honor, but clearly her acceptance speech stood out because of what she chose to talk about. Share a personal insight, a weakness, a challenge, a personal goal or project, or a special relationship.


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WELCOME TO LORI RUBIN DEKALO

We’re pleased to welcome a new member of the EMS team, Lori Rubin Dekalo, as our new vice president. When we first met her, Lori was running a video business in which, among other projects, she was recording friends making speeches to help them become more effective. (Sound familiar?) The more time we spent together, the more we recognized the many talents she brings to us— expertise in running businesses, client development, training, marketing and sales. She has been working with us for the past year, helping with our marketing efforts and joining our training team.

Lori started out in her family’s direct mail business, Rubin Response Services, eventually building a high-tech branch of the business and developing client relationships with industry heavyweights like Microsoft, Compaq, Dell, and Sun Microsystems. After selling the business in 2006, Lori went on to run American Delivery Services. When ADS was sold in 2009, she went on to pursue a Masters of Science in Communications (MSC) from Northwestern University. She still volunteers at NU to recruit new students to the MSC program and is assisting on the new MSC alumni board. She also serves on the regional board of the Jewish National Fund, and was part of their National Speakers’ Bureau for years. 

Lori’s also a big fan of the theater—she visits high schools throughout Illinois as a judge in the Illinois High School Music Theater Association (part of Broadway in Chicago). She has a son, David, who works in technology for a pharmaceutical company, and a daughter, Shelly, who is currently finishing her undergraduate degree in Israel.

She grew up in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, attended Fremd and Stevenson High Schools, and received her bachelor’s degree from Loyola University. She currently lives in Highland Park. We’re thrilled to have her on our team, and hope you get a chance to meet her soon. You can reach her at Lori@PresentationTrainers.com.

As we enter this holiday season, we send congratulations to Noah Shapiro, son of Eliot and Ellyn, who will celebrate his Bar Mitzvah this coming weekend in Deerfield. Mazel Tov, Noah!

Thanks for reading!


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